Glory Baby

Today we went for our follow-up appointment.  No heartbeat at all.  She has passed on straight to heaven (can we blame her?).  We left the doctor's office with lots of hope, though.  He did tell us that at my age (over 35) 40-50% of pregnancies will result in miscarriage...ouch.  So, DH (dear Husband) and I decided not to wait.  We had Izzy a year earlier in a race against endo and time, and we have no regrets.  Last week was hard.  This weekend was easier.  And now, being home after the doctors appt, is hard again.  I keep trying to focus on the fact that we have an angel in heaven, watching out for us.  Praying for us.  The doctor said that the first two cycles after a miscarriage are the most fertile.  He said that there's a scientific reason but he feels there may be a spiritual one as well-- a little baby in heaven asking God to cheer up her mom and dad.  And a God who can't say no to such a sweet little angel.  I love that idea. 

Here's a rather uplifting song about a miscarriage.  I consider it a nice tribute to Abigail, Abby.  So I posted it here along with the lyrics.  The video isn't the highest quality, but you can also buy the single on Itunes.

If anyone else is reading this who has had a miscarriage, blessings and healing to you.  We feel your pain.  

Glory Baby by Watermark (click to listen on Youtube)

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..

You were growing, what happened dear?

You disappeared on us baby…baby..

Heaven will hold you before we do

Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…

Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday

Miss you in every way

But we know there’s a

day when we will hold you

We will hold you

You’ll kiss our tears away

When we’re home to stay

Can’t wait for the day when we will see you

We will see you

But baby let sweet Jesus hold you

‘till mom and dad can hold you…

You’ll just have heaven before we do

You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to

understand it ‘cause we’re hurting

We are hurting

But there is healing

And we know we’re stronger people through the growing

And in knowing-

That all things work together for our good

And God works His purposes just like He said He would…

Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:

I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies

and what they must sound like

But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home

And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

Rest in peace Abby.  We will love you always and hold you close to our hearts, our little angel in heaven.

God's Promises

I just read a nice phrase that I found in, of all things, a Christmas catalog.  It reads, "God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain.  But He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way."

That's good to know.  Today we went to the doctor's and discovered that our little Abby-Jo has decided not to stay with us.  Or perhaps God decided for her.  The doctor called it "genetics" and said there's nothing we can do about it.  I knew the second I saw the ultrasound screen.  My eyes combed it for that magical little heartbeat that I was so amazed to see with our first little girl.  Our eyes filled with tears when we heard that first heartbeat.  Today our eyes filled with tears for another reason.  The heartbeat was incredibly slow, almost undetectable, and Abby was small...too small...even for someone who is supposed to only be the size of a kidney bean right now. 

So, it looks as if she is leaving us.  And we are incredibly sad. 

All the other goals can wait.  So can the nap routine.  Right now, we just need to say goodbye.